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May 23, 2008 1:50 PM

Five Google-Whacking Ideas for Microsoft



News Commentary. It's dress-down Friday here at Microsoft Watch and good reason to dress down Microsoft with suggestions for gaining search share against Google. w00t! w00t!

Microsoft is so desperate to get ahead in search, it has pushed out some crazy strategies:

Seeing as how it's a holiday weekend here in the United States—and so a somewhat slow news day—I am making some Google-killing suggestions for Microsoft's consideration. Surely, I can do no worse suggesting lame ideas for beating Google than Microsoft already has. So, without fanfare, I humbly offer five wacko ways Microsoft could increase search share against Google. The list is in no order of importance.

1. Pay customers to use Live Search. No. No. Not that cashback gimmick but real money for search. Microsoft could offer a nickel a query. According to ComScore, MSN/Live had 961 million search queries in April, down from 1 billion in March. Let's say the nickel-a-query scheme boosted MSN/Live search queries to 3 billion a month, that would be $150 million, perhaps $160 million when factoring in administrative costs.

Using Microsoft's original $44.6 billion offer for Yahoo as base, Microsoft could pay out $160 million a month for about 23 years before reaching the price it was willing to pay for Yahoo. Conceptually, Microsoft would catch Google long before then. Surely for as little as $5 billion cash, Microsoft could buy enough search queries to close the gap on Google within 18 months, perhaps sooner for a dime a query.

2. Google up celebrities and politicians with evil. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice just made the great Google pilgrimage. Google is the place to go to be cool by association. But how would Condoleezza feel if Google searches for her name brought up insulting keywords (I'll suggest none for gender and race reasons)? Surely Microsoft could manipulate the Google search results (it has been done before) and buy up obnoxious keywords.

Insulted politicians might be just a wee bit unfriendly to Google because of the search results. Meanwhile, Microsoft could stack up keyword niceties over at Live Search.

A reverse strategy could work for popular search terms like "Paris Hilton," making it so a Google contextual search would bring up links to videos of churchgoers. People looking for celebrity sex tapes surely wouldn't want to watch a church choir singing about the blood of Jesus.

3. Hire Carl Icahn to launch a proxy fight. The billionaire businessman has made a profession out of wedging shareholders against boards of directors. He's going after Yahoo, why not Google? Carl could argue that current management has driven Google into the ground. On Dec.26, Google shares traded for more than $710 a share. At time of writing this paragraph, Google shares traded for a measly $540.93, down $8.53. OMG! Only $540 a share? Carl could flame about billions in lost shareholder value.

The billionaire business-buster could seek a place on Google's board along with a couple of Microsoft insider cronies. They could influence strategy and gain access to corporate trade secrets. Yes, there are risks, like the possible violation of a couple dozen SEC rules. Details. Details. Desperate times call for desperate measures. No politician and judge whose name search on Google brings back the keyword "scumbag" is going to put Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer in prison because of a few puny SEC violations.

4. Hijack Google.com domain. This one would have to be a failsafe strategy—if all else fails. The Google.com domain expires in September 2011. Microsoft would need to bribe Google's administrator responsible for the domain to set the WHOIS information as private and then neglect to renew Google.com. Microsoft could use a service like SnapNames to procure Google.com and redirect traffic to Live.com.

Again, there are risks, and the plan would be tough to execute. But Microsoft would instantly jump to being No. 1 in search. It's a longer-term scheme but one with a big payoff.

5. Go back to the past and fix the problem. Microsoft Research should build something more useful than WorldWide Telescope. How about making a telescope that peers into the past? Better: A time machine. Then Robert Scoble would have something to really cry about. Send a Terminator chick into the past and have her become girlfriend to either, or both, Google co-founders. She could give them something more important to think about than math, and Google would never be.

Yes, there could be problems with time paradoxes and alternate universes. But surely googling Google into nothingness would be worth the risk.

Now my question to readers: What would you suggest Microsoft should do to catch up with Google? Be serious or be lame, whichever you prefer. Comments are open for your suggestions.

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Comments (44)

Phil :

Bring back VB6. Really! Ever since they killed VB its been downhill for the folks from Redmond. The computer gods were offended, it must be undone.

Seriously, they need something to bring developers back to the desktop. Constantly throwing bigger and fatter (i.e. .Net 3.5) crap on developer's plates isn't working. Give them something small and simple that can create nice looking, useful applications.

Albin Forone :

MS should leapfrog itself on this "cloud" stuff (a gymnastic feat but maybe not so tech difficult) by reinventing what we used to call a "dumb terminal" back in the early 1980s. You had a (in those days) a $150 desktop box with a 300 BAUD connection to a university (or other) mainframe. The OS is dead: nobody really cares about Windows or any other OS. The Office Suite is dead: nobody really needs anything the next Office Suite will add to what it already does. Social Networking is dead: every other site has a Web 2.0 "friends" thing. MS should build and offer an all-online minimal hardware system that cheap dumb software-free machines with network connectivity can all hook into to do whatever they need or want to do, for the right price. If MS doesn't, Google will.

mikey :

Ignore Google in particular and web search/ads in general and concentrate on building rock solid operating systems, applications and development tools.

In other words, dance with the one that brought you.

portuno :

Microsoft has effectively whacked itself so thoroughly with the "non-strategies" of current MSFT management, I don't think they could survive attempting to whack Google.

http://www.consortiuminfo.org/standardsblog/article.php?story=20080523052458101
The closing of the letter is both telling as well as ironic, coming just after Microsoft's announcement that it would support ODF in Office 2007, but not DIS 29500, the ISO/IEC JTC 1 version of OOXML, until the as yet unscheduled shipping of Office 14. As a result, the business basis for fast tracking OOXML to begin with - to benefit the enormous installed base of Office users - will be rewarded, at the earliest, in 2010. The Fast Track thus would appear to be a lose-lose all around: a huge imposition on all involved, a lower quality specification at the end than a more deliberative process would have proven, and a damaged reputation for ISO/IEC as well.

ZzarkLinux :

Ooh Ooh I got another one

6) Buy a "Microsoft Live Standard"
- Buy more Linux companies ala Linspire and Xandros so they use Live
- Buy things in ISO again, and hit OASIS too. Make the standard "official"
- Buy more government lawmakers, to enforce the standard
- Buy more FUD and surveys saying Google sux

!! Microsoft wouldn't even have to change their business strategy !!
Microsoft should rename themselves to the "Umbrella Corporation" when it's all done...

BB :

Here's another angle; take just 1/2 of the money MSFT was planning to spend on YHOO and instead buy up the top 40 vertical search engines in a variety of niche areas. This would finally give Live.com the content it nor Google can offer by themselves; unique highly desireable and contextually relevent information.

Gerardo Tasistro :

4b) Buy the g00gle.com domain (that's google with two zeros) and release a set of Google Fonts for Windows. The Google Font release makes 0 (zeros) look like lower case o's (o). Thus google.com (with 0's) looks the same as google.com (with o's).

This is a great workaround for your suggestion number 4. Because it can be released in Tuesday's patch lot. After which a clever important security update could modify IE and other OS settings to make google.com (with zeros) the default search engine. Advanced GUI designs (like those used in Vista's Control Panel) could then be used to make completely unintelligible Search Engine Select Dialogs. Leaving google.com (with o's) in a far fetched option and google.com (with zeros) clearly the first and apparently only option.

It would then be a trivial management decision to redirect traffic to Live Search or to brand google.com (with zeros) as Google Live Search (google with zeros).

Marco :

Easy:Expend original $44.6 billion offer for Yahoo into the next elections, only commitment to the political party (surely) winner, declare outside the law to Google.

Marco :

The Public opinion? , not problem ,layers, politicians and "bloggers" (machinery currently in operation) will be solving the issue, The possible excuse, "matter of national interest"

chips :

The best advice for M$ is to sell off its money losing MSN and Windows Live business, and they clearly do not know, or have a clue how to run it. Take that money and use it to invest as a holding company. That is a safe future for MS. Buying Yahoo, will only add to the mismanagement problems they already have running MSN/Live. Or more of the same declining share against Google, but with the farm invested this time.

While MS is at it, sell off Xbox and Zune as well, for the same reasons.

Go back to basics, the two major cash cows. MS is going need to do a lot of work so that the EU will not hurt them every time they release something. The old ways of lock-in will have to end now, unless MS wants to be broken up and fined to death. Which means that the thinking of Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer will no longer be helpful.

Microsoft need to actually compete now in the operating systems platforms, and not rely on lock-in, marketing monopoly stategy, and strong arming the OEM's. By compete, I mean make some efficient Windows, without DRM, with safe secure surfing built into the OS. Remember your customers first, and the money will take care of itself. Also, Windows needs to cost less, a whole lot less. Its a commodity, and if you look at the competition, you see that windows is priced very high. That while most software, and hardware has come down in price. So much so that Vista Ultimate, could even cost more than the computers, that it is sometimes installed on.

whatever :

Make IE render google.com with a non-editable search box or maybe with the search button removed.

Yep sounds crazy, but then again it's only the direct inverse of deliberately miss-rendering msn.com for Opera browser users...

BlahBlah :

All these ideas are idiotic and classic examples of Joe's intense bias towards MSFT

Who the hell cares of what should have, could have been

I highly recommend ignoring this ridiculous article.

If only someone had warned me....

Gerardo Tasistro :

Hey @whatever, why not work on your idea and show a perfectly functional google.com page, but have the page's post get hijacked and redirected to and served by Live Search.

I-Man :

Portuno from Laughing Place #2

Saturday, 17 May 2008
From here on out, it's brambles and bushes.
Mood: happy
Now Playing: Nervous Ticks - Insect kingdom is rocked by application of turpentine (pesty side)
Topic: Microsoft and VCSY

Pay attention. I own stock in VCSY. I have been writing about VCSY and owning VCSY stock since 2000. I started posting here: http://clearstation.etrade.com/cgi-bin/postlist plug in "Portuno_Diamo"

I post about the VCSY technology because of what I read in 2000 in a whitepaper on MLE, VCSY's micro-kernel executive - these days called a runtime and Emily, VCSY's very high level language as an XML based scripting language (what they used to call dynamic languages 8 years ago).

In fact, VCSY was abused for years by those who adamantly felt XML scripting languages were old technology. Where are those people now? Still around. "Lerking".

It was. It's going back to the future today... just as the Emily whitepaper said it would be... back in 2000.

I write about technology because I've worked on the technology side of industrial manufacturing and process over thirty years of design engineering and development of (back at the beginning S100 and Intel Multibus assembler and PL/I - PL/M with CP/M. Later MSDOS development. Also with mainframe and distributed parallel processors (industrial automation is so far advanced beyond business "automation". That's actually about to change and it will be a fight to get it used in industrial automation because Microsoft dominates as a platform for small scale SCADA built using PLC's and fat clients.) and on and on until now when I am active in the industrial automation industry from a regulation driven perspective.

So it's going to be a couple days if any before I can get my hands on a substantial amount of the text. But, I do have a patch well chosen and provided, so I can milk this for a few days. Heck. Who am I kidding? I could probably do 10000 words on that.

Memorial Day weekend is right around the corner so that would allow for some quality reading time... something the significant other will really appreciate, I'm sure.

Hey! And where did THAT soapbox come from?

So, the best way to find out if I know what I am talking about is that you should take what I write to a high school computer club, college computer club, golf geeks, anyone you know can give you an unbiased opinion and be able to explain it so you can understand it.

Or someone who can answer questions.

If he throws his hands up and rejects the concept of web services, listen to what he has to say. Then, find somebody who knows what web services are and what they can do. Let them read what I write and have them point out the problems. Then come here or any other blog I am posting on (I need space. I'm an expansive kind of guy) and give us the report.

If you want to read my opinions, they are here for free. I don't get paid in any way to post anywhere. I do it for the sheer enjoyment of writing and studying the art of the machine.

We're poised on the precipice of an exploding freedom of platforms that will offer the same kind of productivity and enlightenment and community connectedness the original web page surge presented.

We're watching the web pages become more than electronic magazines. We're seeing, at this particular point, the web page becoming an application similar in robustness and facility of similar applications on the desktop. With continuously increasing bandwidth and throughput, the long spoken of "semantic web" is now at a threshold for moving into the next true age of the internet.

And that's finally becoming a verifiable reality when, for years, VCSY longs were literally the only folks capable of pointing to technology tailored for an optimum foundational architecture upon which to build semantic web processing facilities.

IBM has taken that idea one step further in patent 7058671 citing patent 744 as prior art for the foundation of a way to provide an automated software factory able to produce an application specified by the user. And Microsoft followed up with patent 7302677 citing 744 as prior art for the foundation of building a model testing system for software on websites. Quite a valuable patent idea, I believe.

And that's only two examples of things VCSY's 6826744 patent claims can accomplish.

My badge of sincerity in the cause of computing is an autographed copy of Microcomputers/Microprocessors: Hardware, Software, and Applications (Prentice-Hall series in automatic computation) by John L. Hilburn (Hardcover - Jun 1976)

If you're missing one, yep, it's me. Drop me a line. I moved to the M.E. and didn't know I had your borrowed (uhhh...you do remember you loaned it to me, right?) book was in the boxes. Sorry. I've given it a loving home through a modern nomad's life through life. You must be old as $#!@. So am I. I at least hope you be and be happy and healthy.

Why didn't I return the book? I also have a terrible attention span and very bad organizational skills.

So , when I remember to do something about sending that sucker back to you, it's suddenly sounding like a bad excuse, so you'll be receiving it from me shortly... if I can find your transient ass.

Besides, it was a great thing to have on the shelf in the office. I looked like I know what the hell I was talking about. Thanks to people like you, I did.

Thank you. You can have your book back now.


Posted by Portuno Diamo at 12:45 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, 17 May 2008 3:09 AM EDT
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Dimitris :

Why don't they give MS to Google for free. This way Google has to handle all the mess MS created all this years. In a couple of years Google will be almost dead. Buy back MS and voila problem solved!

oiaohm :

Go ahead hijack Googles domain. Now you are not thinking far enough ahead. There are ways inside the rules of the internet to get a domain name back in that case. Risk is massive. MS could end up with its DNS entries deleted and Microsoft could end up blank banned form ever holding a DNS name again.

Some people are idiots. People have done high jacking of domains in the past rules are in place that anyone who does it suffers. Something must be rotting this authors brain.

Taking out Yahoo or Google does not solve MS's problems.

Google has something special please look up the wages of the googles board. They are the lowest in the IT industry. To be correct most other people in the company make more money than the people in its board. So it would be more profitable for cronies to do it to Microsoft than google.

It would be simpler to argue that Microsoft board is driving Microsoft into the ground. Particularly how over paid they are compared to there competition.

Microsoft is suffering from internal rot. They have been on a war footing with Open Source that they don't know how to make friends with open source to remove the threat its pushing at them.

Attempting to win at all costs normally means a company dies in time. Nothing can save Microsoft until they change.

James Moran :

Slow news day indeed...

n0neXn0ne :

Microsoft have a choice to make.

"Lead, follow, or 'GET OUT' of the way."

-- Thomas Paine

n0neXn0ne :

With all Microsoft monies, they just starting to realize one fact...

"It is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned."
-- Oscar Wilde

e.g. The Windows brand

I-Man :

For the tourist.(By Portuno)
(Good read of new items)
This place is too noisy and cluttered to place items you want to keep track of so I've taken advantage of the web's free societal tools and lain some chicken fruit over on a free-based blog.

Don't be hating. I know you want to spill your spleen at me for putting stuff in concrete. PLUS, one advantage to freebie applications, I get to control who gets to comment and who doesn't.

My opinions, my discretion. Ahhhh, Nervana.

If you would like to catch up on some reading on the subway tomorrow, I commend these to your perusal as the argument regarding the VCSY patent language is coming up to face the judge in July 2008. Might as well get educated to some degree even if it's to hate my guts.

(Here's the Goods!)
http://messages.finance.yahoo.com/Stocks_%28A_to_Z%29/Stocks_V/threadview?m=tm&bn=33693&tid=4693&mid=4693&tof=5&frt=1

turbo :

Advice to Msft:

1. Ballmer is not your point man, get rid of him.
2. When you start something, complete it properly
3. Don't test products on your customers
4. Stop activities to suppress / stifle competition.

maybe if M$ pay to put some 'live search' banners on the google home page :D

greyRoger :

Anyone in business has heard of the term "product cycle", so hang loose people - what this Macintosh person and several other people have been waiting for is closer that most people care to guess - we can not get rid of Microsoft but the board of Microsoft can.

Darl :

They should hire Darl McBride from SCO. I understand he is (or soon will be looking for a job). Give him Steve's job - shareholder value will increase, and all will be well with the world!

Philosopher :

@I-Man:
"... and lain some chicken fruit"

I don't want to know what "chicken fruit" is. And I know that your personal life is your own business. But why do you feel the need to tell us that you "got lucky" with chicken fruit???

"Don't be hating."

I'm not hating. I'm doubled over in laughter at your flowery phrasing that is wrapped within clumsy grammar and abysmal spelling.

"Ahhhh, Nervana".

Do you mean Nirvana? Or are you clumsily telling us that you have a lot of Nerve for being such a prolific moron?

"(Here's the Goods!)"

Grammatically, it's either "Here are the Goods", or "here is the good". But if Joe wants to let you continue entertaining us with the grammar of a mentally retarded cucumber, I'll have to read Microsoft Watch without eating or drinking so when I erupt in laughter every time I read your lunatic rantings, I don't spray my keyboard and monitor.

Speaking of lunatic rantings, that's all the "Goods" you mention are. More of the same idiocy that you spout here. Whee! VCSY is patenting XML with objects. Wow! What innovation! I'm sure it's worth millions.... of laughs.

why why!! :

why does anyone have to write such an article!!... why do i have to even reply to this.... why did i even read this!!... why was the link sent to me!!!

Jamal :

-MSFT could insert into the next update a keylogger that activates a neverending series of UAC prompts when typing the word "google"; or activates a full-screen comand-prompt window (that works with vista home basic users)
-posting anti-muslim materials on google main page and publish on every microsoft website detailed maps with google's headquarters
-posting a fake blog in Jerry Yang's name on a ".cn" website where he and Google's founders plan to overthrow the chinese gorvernment.
-institue a tax for windows users that use google services
-finance a movie where Google's founders are the bad guys and distribute it free (even with the OLPC)
-a disturbing endless construction site near Google's headquarters or even an airport.
-pay some STD infested people to...
-buy the electrical company that powers Google and inflate the energy bill

Snowman53 :

MS should just take the 44B & invest in Google stock. They would get a better return on investment and have less work. And the product would work better.

simion314 :

M$ should buy some inteligent people to create good strategies. The old imoral strategy is not working anymore.

Argard :

Micro$oft should buy W3C and change all standards, but MS itself already did the new changes in its applications. huhueheh very lame this!! :P

jawad :

try to make other thing improves and rest about the google MS needs some good mathematicians so that they can invent some new kind of algo to compete google other wise they should make their market share in some other domains make a search on both the engines and you will surely find the difference on the simple upper level not on the root level

SteveG :

I think the pay as you go idea would actually work for MS. Pay search users money.. 5-10 cents per search, with a max of 20 paid searches a day. Then throw in a kicker, MS pays out a one million dollar jackpot every day for the next couple years or maybe forever to one lucky searcher that day. This would be the like the lottery affect, hell they could even pay out 10 million jackpot a day for the first year just to get people onboard. They would then become the number one search engine, companies will line up to advertise. Then they could concentrate on a small tight OS with outrageous programming tools.

tehMick :

Easy, just change IE's DOM with every release specifically to break Google's pages. Then change all Microsoft pages so they display properly in IE, and nothing else. Just chuck standards completely out the window. Then people will be forced to choose who they like more, Google or Microsoft... wait, maybe that's a bad idea. And, oh yeah, that's already what Microsoft is doing.

Haytham :

AAAAMMMM, There is a nice thing Microsoft can do it. It can buy G00gle.com (that's google with two zeros) and make it look like Google. and make IE go there instead of Google :D

Ohh this will be nice move!

Ryan :

I think Microsoft could do well to release the source of some of the older systems like Win9x, Office 95/97 (maybe eventually even NT) and maintain an Open Micorsoft project for which they could charge a fee for supported stable releases.

I realize this misses the point of more competitive search, but could provide a alternative to Open Linux projects which largely use FF (thus Google by default). Besides I see Open source projects as more of a threat to Microsoft than search.

As long as Microsoft can maintain their Office and OS franchises, I don't really see Google being a mortal threat.

tiger :

No, No no.... I will not trust Live.com, Better gooling.

Hi All,
I am Bippinu, I am interested in pinging married girls form all asia, you can contact me on: sbipin@novell.com

My suggestion?

Microsoft should put its head between its knees, and kiss its ass goodbye.....

Mek :

Microsoft should try to revert back to their inaugural philosophy. Cheat, lie, and steal -- and innovate original software along the way. Stop focusing on making a crappy templates to mock google's clean interface and (possible) hire programmers who don't regurgitate closed source, proprietary, visual studios app code all over one's browser. A search engine should be... an engine. An engine used to search. Not a drop shadow (overuse) Photoshop pallet with an embedded text box and one or two links that I won't even click because I know they will take 3 times as long to load and buffer as Google's utilities would. Microsoft should stop emulating and start innovating their own technologies again.

I case you haven't realized Microsoft is notorious by making usable environment by continuously restricting the administrative freedoms of the computer users. It's a slap in the face that Microsoft makes software that intentionally frustrates users into adopting mentalities about "staying away from the admin panel". How about advertising a more "free" web by supporting open source incentives, fast searches, (less graphics) more useful text, and more efficient search algorithms.

For the meantime, until Microsoft starts innovating, they're better off using xhtml scrubbers to populate their search queries from Google's results and mirroring their home page. Maybe Google would be up for a partnership (...Erm).

elm :

I'll share my ideas with MS for $5 million (negotiable).

mfous :

Microsoft should postpone this "I have to be a leader at web search too".
Robust Windows,software dev platforms (meaning more apps and then more installed OS),Office and databases are serious weapons (and google doesn't have that).

Moreover MS is everywhere... Mobile, Entertainment,OS, Embedded, etc etc etc. Live Labs have GREAT ideas implemented in beta-alpha that can really change the Web.

Finally Google gets strongler every day, but MS is really the player. Web search might not be the key for everything.


John :

As someone who searches microsoft.com everyday for programming support, perhaps Microsoft could develop a search engine that would be better than Google for searching their OWN SITE.

Google gets me what I need from microsoft.com, Microsoft's search function just leads me in circles.

Ahmed :

I would try to get google employees and tell them to make my search engine better then google and handle the legal crap, and try to use all the holes in the system so google can't win against microsoft in court (because they stoled their employees), and try to bring the best math and physics geniuses in the world no matter how much it will cost or how hard to bring as long they are with me, If you get the best of the best in the world,(Like google doing) I don't think google will have a chance against microsft.(I'm sure Microsft are doing it but not that hard and serius because what I see they are concentroating in getting the technology more then getting the makers of the technology them self, who made the technolgy can make better then it if you give him support) I hope what I said is not a crap

David :

update all the spell check databases so that if anyone types Google into a document, it suggests that its spelt wrong and the suggested replacement is "Live Search"

actually that sounds simple with a single macro?

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