ExecTweets Are for the Birds

ExecTweets is supposed to be a CEO Twitter aggregation portal. My question: "Why?" Federated Media and Twitter announced the service in separate blog posts earlier today.

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Federated's Matthew DiPietro writes: "ExecTweets cuts through the clutter and provides only the most relevant and insightful business-focused conversations—all curated and aggregated into industry verticals like Healthcare, Retail, Finance and more."

Why is it Matthew's description—"the curated and aggregated"—remind me of amphibians and not birds? Ah, yes, Monty Python's "Crunchy Frog" skit: "We use only the finest baby frogs. Dew picked and flown from Iraq. Cleansed in the finest quality spring water. Lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose."

Well, the above paragraph just above does away with any future blogger networking with Federated Media, should I ever be laid off here. :)

Seriously, I can understand why Federated Media and Twitter are involved in this project. Federated's business is about content and advertising. Twitter is looking for a business model, or at least the inkling of revenue. According to Nielsen Online, February to February, unique Twitter visitors jumped 1,382 percent. Who's using Twitter? The largest number, 3 million unique visitors in February, or 41.7 percent, are between 35 and 49. Those 18-34 year-olds don't even register in Nielsen's accounting.

So Twitter needs to do something with all that growth and strange demographic of older users. Outside of high-tech, who's old like CEOs? About 65 percent of Twitterers are over 34, according to Nielsen Online.

I see the Federated and Twitter connection. But Microsoft? Steve Ballmer doesn't tweet, nor do any of his divisional presidents. Nor do many other top executives, for that matter. I count two Microsofties on ExecTweets list. As TechFlash's Todd Bishop observes:

The absence of higher-ranking Microsoft execs is notable, given the company's involvement in the site. But looking at the people picked to represent other companies on the site, it's also clear that many other CEOs haven't yet gotten on board with this whole Twitter thing.

Do you really need another portal, when these Twitterers can be aggregated more easily elsewhere? I sure as heck don't. But Microsoft seems willing perhaps because it hopes to sell something. Here's an interesting question: Would Twittering CEOs like Sun's Jonathan Schwartz want to be featured on a Microsoft-branded portal?

"Here comes Twitter's first real foray into advertising, courtesy of Microsoft's marketing budget," claims All Things Digital's Peter Kafka. But Mr. CEO, is that marketing and branding you want your company to be associated with by way of your tweets?

Microsoft and Federated are no strangers. The two companies partnered on CrowdFire last August. Then there was that mid-2007 messiness about Federated writers allegedly getting paid to use Microsoft's "People Ready" slogan. Say, can you guess what slogan prominently dons the ExecTweets page? People Ready is back, baby, with a new tagline: "Because it's everybody's business." Could the marketing tie-in be any less obvious?

Confession time: I'm no big Twitter fan. I only use Twitter because I foolishly signed up for an account when the service launched three years ago, and I now get more followers by the day. Please, take no offense, oh loyal Twitter followers. I would prefer to talk with you then at you. My problem is the service not my followers. Also, I only know a handful of my Twitter followers. Most of them are PR folks that I assume wouldn't otherwise follow me, if not for my blogging about Apple and Microsoft.

Tweet, tweet. Save us all from all the mundane life tweeting. Gasp, 144 is too many characters for most tweets! I don't care how good that dump felt or what is the length of your poops. Record setter? Tell Guinness World Records. Please, don't tweet.

On the topic of wasted Twitter lives: Actress Jennifer Aniston's rumored breakup with musician John Mayer. According to the Telegraph, the two are splitsville because John has a Twitter obsession.

John isn't even in the heavy Twitter demographic. He'll be 32 in October. The guy does have over 326,000 followers. Since he hasn't tweeted the breakup, how can the couple be considered over? By the way, he tweeted on Saturday: "300k followers. That's wild! No Twitter-jitters here. Still going to keep it 80/20 ridiculous/heartfelt. Again, thank you and I'm lucky."

John, you must be the stupidest man on the planet. I know you see colors when the music plays. But get a life, dude. What do you see when looking at heavenly beauty Jennifer Aniston? You really are a twit, ah, Twitter. The woman you're with is better than the 326,168 people (and counting) you're not with (and whom you don't know). Think you're lucky, dude? Think again.

[Please send your tips or rumors to watchtips at gmail.com.]